On To The Real Thing

There are times in life when things get difficult and there's no way to change the circumstances, but that doesn't mean things can't be done to make it a little more bearable. This is where my gratitude for my Father in Heaven comes in. Things could always be worse. I have a testimony. I have a God to pray to. I have many books of council that I can go to for help. I have a Brother who bled and died for me. I have someone who knows EXACTLY how I feel. I know who to go to for help. So with all that why do I try to do things on my own? Why do I wait until I've come unraveled to go to my Father? It's not like I've avoided Him. I pray every morning and night and a few times during the day. I still read my scriptures and the conference talks. I just haven't totally humbled myself and asked what I should do. I have prayed for strength but I haven't really prayed for it. So now's the time to get down on my knees, apologize for trying to putt along without Him, and really listen to what advice He has for me. I never would have imagined it would be this hard. A couple days after our first date Shaun asked me a question... "Do you think you could handle being a guard wife?" Of course at this time I was thrilled he'd even think of marrying me so I had to say yes. If I didn't he might change his mind and boy did I want to belong to him forever! I thought about it a little more and then sent my reply. "It'd be very hard but I'm pretty sure I could do it." Well the answer still hasn't changed, but I can't do it, not alone, not without my Heavenly Father by me EVERY step of the way. There are so many things I've been trying to absorb myself in since he's been gone. I'm trying to be healthier by eating right and exercising lots, I'm working hard in my classes (I have high "A"s so it's really paying off), and I'm working. Now that I look back on these past days I realize the thing I should be most concerned about is my spiritual well-being. I can succeed in the other areas and still not be happy, but I can work on bringing myself closer to God and feel more fulfilled. I have had a heck of a time keeping my tears back. I feel ridiculous for crying more than ten times a day, but I know I will be able to handle it better with the Lord on my side. I'm ashamed I haven't started trying earlier.

Now that I'm off my soapbox... the reason for those is to help me relieve my feelings (I do it best through writing)... I'll tell you about Shaun. We have been unbelievably blessed to have been able to talk at least a half an hour 8 out of the 10 days he's been gone. Today it's different. He was "shipped" (actually just a ten minute drive) to the real basic training this morning. He texted me saying he was so scared but I know he'll do great. It won't be easy but I know everything will be fine. All this other stuff he did was called reception and basically they did a lot of tests like medical ones. They did dental records that they will keep in their files forever, they loaded them up with gear, they gave them a few shots including one in the bum that Shaun had fun complaining about, and they cleaned the baracks spotless a few times (they cleaned places that no one had been using ;). Shaun had a hard time this last week too. They'd hurry to places and then have to sit in line for hours. He said the guys started begging for push-ups, but in reception they don't make them do many push-ups. Because of the memorial day holiday they did nothing at all on Monday except eat and hang out in their baracks. That was very hard for him. I would have died in that situation because I crumble whenever I have too much time to think now. :) I loved talking to him on the phone! He made a really great friend there, Boyle, that he was sad to report is in a different platoon now. But he's going to meet up with him later. He's trying to convince me to let him be a cop in Fremont county because that's what Boyle does. ;) We'll just have to see about that. To entertain themselves the guys had exercise competitions during their free time. Leg lifts, push-ups, wall sits... I loved hearing Shaun yell out his accomplishments to the others and then get eager to try again when someone beat him. The record on wall sits one night we talked was 1min 15sec. I was having so much fun listening to them I decided to try it. Shaun timed me and I tried not to think about my shaky legs or the timer as I talked to him. I heard guys in the background, "She's still going?!" It just made me want to go longer so I did until I buckled and slid to the floor. "Done," I informed Shaun. 3 minutes and 37 seconds!!! He bragged about me to the guys and I laughed. Of course they had to say girls have stronger legs and it's easier for them to do wall sits because their upper torso is smaller but Shaun and I have a deal now. There's a very desirable prize for the one who can do wall sits the longest when he returns. ;)