On To The Real Thing

There are times in life when things get difficult and there's no way to change the circumstances, but that doesn't mean things can't be done to make it a little more bearable. This is where my gratitude for my Father in Heaven comes in. Things could always be worse. I have a testimony. I have a God to pray to. I have many books of council that I can go to for help. I have a Brother who bled and died for me. I have someone who knows EXACTLY how I feel. I know who to go to for help. So with all that why do I try to do things on my own? Why do I wait until I've come unraveled to go to my Father? It's not like I've avoided Him. I pray every morning and night and a few times during the day. I still read my scriptures and the conference talks. I just haven't totally humbled myself and asked what I should do. I have prayed for strength but I haven't really prayed for it. So now's the time to get down on my knees, apologize for trying to putt along without Him, and really listen to what advice He has for me. I never would have imagined it would be this hard. A couple days after our first date Shaun asked me a question... "Do you think you could handle being a guard wife?" Of course at this time I was thrilled he'd even think of marrying me so I had to say yes. If I didn't he might change his mind and boy did I want to belong to him forever! I thought about it a little more and then sent my reply. "It'd be very hard but I'm pretty sure I could do it." Well the answer still hasn't changed, but I can't do it, not alone, not without my Heavenly Father by me EVERY step of the way. There are so many things I've been trying to absorb myself in since he's been gone. I'm trying to be healthier by eating right and exercising lots, I'm working hard in my classes (I have high "A"s so it's really paying off), and I'm working. Now that I look back on these past days I realize the thing I should be most concerned about is my spiritual well-being. I can succeed in the other areas and still not be happy, but I can work on bringing myself closer to God and feel more fulfilled. I have had a heck of a time keeping my tears back. I feel ridiculous for crying more than ten times a day, but I know I will be able to handle it better with the Lord on my side. I'm ashamed I haven't started trying earlier.

Now that I'm off my soapbox... the reason for those is to help me relieve my feelings (I do it best through writing)... I'll tell you about Shaun. We have been unbelievably blessed to have been able to talk at least a half an hour 8 out of the 10 days he's been gone. Today it's different. He was "shipped" (actually just a ten minute drive) to the real basic training this morning. He texted me saying he was so scared but I know he'll do great. It won't be easy but I know everything will be fine. All this other stuff he did was called reception and basically they did a lot of tests like medical ones. They did dental records that they will keep in their files forever, they loaded them up with gear, they gave them a few shots including one in the bum that Shaun had fun complaining about, and they cleaned the baracks spotless a few times (they cleaned places that no one had been using ;). Shaun had a hard time this last week too. They'd hurry to places and then have to sit in line for hours. He said the guys started begging for push-ups, but in reception they don't make them do many push-ups. Because of the memorial day holiday they did nothing at all on Monday except eat and hang out in their baracks. That was very hard for him. I would have died in that situation because I crumble whenever I have too much time to think now. :) I loved talking to him on the phone! He made a really great friend there, Boyle, that he was sad to report is in a different platoon now. But he's going to meet up with him later. He's trying to convince me to let him be a cop in Fremont county because that's what Boyle does. ;) We'll just have to see about that. To entertain themselves the guys had exercise competitions during their free time. Leg lifts, push-ups, wall sits... I loved hearing Shaun yell out his accomplishments to the others and then get eager to try again when someone beat him. The record on wall sits one night we talked was 1min 15sec. I was having so much fun listening to them I decided to try it. Shaun timed me and I tried not to think about my shaky legs or the timer as I talked to him. I heard guys in the background, "She's still going?!" It just made me want to go longer so I did until I buckled and slid to the floor. "Done," I informed Shaun. 3 minutes and 37 seconds!!! He bragged about me to the guys and I laughed. Of course they had to say girls have stronger legs and it's easier for them to do wall sits because their upper torso is smaller but Shaun and I have a deal now. There's a very desirable prize for the one who can do wall sits the longest when he returns. ;)

Shaun has officially left now. I took him to the Pocatello airport Monday at 6am where he flew to Salt Lake and then to Boise. We found out later I could have driven him to Boise which would have been much better but there's no need to fret because there's nothing we can do about it now. :) He stayed in a hotel the rest of the day. He had his tests Tuesday morning. We were really worried about one of them. He had to get taped because they can't be over a certain body fat percentage. That's the part he didn't pass the last time he tried to go to basic. We all worried over that. As I was talking to him he told me that the first time he was tested they taped him at 27% and the requirement is 26% so he couldn't go. Three weeks later they tried again and said he was 24%. The sergeant told him that wasn't possible so they realized the person taping him had made a mistake. Well that was back in November. If he had passed that test he would have left for basic then. So I realized that mistake must have been planned by our Heavenly Father because if I hadn't met him in November, I would have left my grandparents' to go to school in BYU-I and we never would have met. We are definitely grateful that we did. His tests yesterday went remarkably well. He was taped at 22% body fat so he passed with flying colors. He just hung out at the hotel the rest of Tuesday, this morning he got on his flight to Denver, and then got on the plane to Oklahoma 2 hours later. He texted me about a minute ago saying he has safely landed. Things are going great. I have been able to talk to him both through texting and on the phone several times so far. I had my last phone conversation with him this afternoon but I will get a one minute call sometime soon after he gets to his destination. After the first three weeks he'll get to call me every Sunday for sure. I'm really looking forward to that already. We are so blessed that everything went well. I'll be back in his arms in 17 weeks!!!

First Ever College Final

Whew!!! Comm 101 and my first ever college final is over and I feel really good about it!!! Hopefully I'm not overly confident. I studied over five hours! There was so much information to memorize! Shaun is working on his stats final. I'm pretty nervous for him. Stats is his hardest class but he has worked REALLY hard at it. I know nothing about stats but the foreign language he uses when he talks about it sounds pretty intelligent to me. ;) I'm praying for him. We don't study on Sundays so we got up at 4:30 this morning and went to the hotel he works at. They have the internet there. :) We studied until about 6:30, ate some of the continental breakfast, went home to get ready, and headed to school for our 7:30 finals. Two more tomorrow and the hardest one on Wednesday and then I'll have Thursday and Friday off before I start Summer classes the next Monday. Not much of a break, right? I wish I could start summer classes after Shaun leaves since I'm taking them to occupy my time. I guess they are beneficial. ;) After I finish them I'll only have one general left before I can get my associates in Child Development. I'm pretty excited about this fall. I get to start taking my Child Development classes. I'll actually get to learn about and be tested on the subjects I am highly interested in! It's very nice to have some part of life planned out. Life is so unpredictable. Planning offers some peace and stability.

Sitting Alone In A Married Ward

Today I decided attending church alone is not fun and Shaun working Saturday nights really stinks! Of course I already knew that because I've experienced it before but today was especially hard. When reading "The Five Love Languages" I discovered I am the love language of physical touch hands down. That means to feel loved I need to be touched. At first I couldn't imagine why I am that way but I've got it figured out. I always wanted to be hugged growing up but was too tough to let my parents know that. My family isn't really a touchy family like some. During my summers as a nanny I hugged, held, and kissed those kids on the cheek every chance I got. I loved it!!! It's also how I show my love (to certain people). :) So I was thinking, why did that have to be my love language? Having the love language of "affirming words" would be excellent for me, the wife of a man who will be gone for the next for months. If that was my language I could feel his love through his letters and phone conversations but instead I'll struggle because to feel loved I need to be touched. "My, oh my! Let's make this situation as hard as possible!" I tell myself. :) Anyway... I get distracted ALL the time! I really needed to be touched today. Shaun went to the first two hours of church with me but he was grumpy and when he's grumpy he doesn't like to be touched. That is horrible for me because I feel rejected when he doesn't touch me like usual. I try not to because I know he has a good reason, but it still hurts. To add to the fact I spent sacrament meeting alone (he went home to sleep) in our university married ward, watching all the husbands with their arms around their wife, seeing hands rubbing backs, people holding hands, fingers caressing, I heard whispers and giggles, and saw several flirtful eyes and beaming smiles. It was a preview of the months ahead with strong emotions and even tears involved, but not all hope is lost. :) I can keep smiling or be depressed and I choose to smile. I am extremely blessed! I never would have guessed I'd be where I am today at this moment in time. There are hard moments but they help me grow and I know we are doing all we need to do.